Open Letter to the Yankees: Respect Pettitte's Gangster

Dear Madam or Sir,

Sign Andy Pettitte. Today.

Before this game of ego chicken festers into Joe Torre II.

Sorry. I guess we're not supposed to mention last winter.

But have you forgotten how you insulted Torre, he bolted to LA, Don Mattingly joined him, and they went to the playoffs while we sat home mulling excuses for Robbie Cano from our own Joe the Plumber.

Sign Andy Pettitte. Today. Before he renounces his faith, tells us to go to Hell and then has a Mike Mussina year in Houston, or LA... or even Boston.

Obviously, Satan is whispering into Andy's ear. He's saying the Yanks don't respect him. He's saying we don't care. This is when we have to outspend Satan. You can't just say, "Here's your offer, God is dead, we wash our hands of this, and we're off to California to rub CC's belly with frankencense."

You can't be poormouthing a great Yankee while building luxury bathrooms that are destined to be smeared with feces anyway.

Sign Andy. It's a long year, guys. We'll need pitching. We'll need great Yanks. We don't need Joe Torre II.