Sloths and Misadventures in On-line Dating

It was a wonderful break. I hadn't done on-line dating for several years. After five years in Chico, though, I believe I've met and either dated or ruled-out every eligible bachelor in town. All two of them. So I caved, despite fierce attempts to talk myself out of it. Loneliness wreaks havoc. While I've come to believe that loneliness is simply an aspect of being human, and while I KNOW I'm better off alone than in a toxic relationship (and every romantic relationship I've been in has had its share of toxicity), I need the writing material. Or so I told myself. Thus for your sake, I set up a profile last week on a popular dating site. Oy gevalt! What have I done?  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In attempt to weed out those whose conversational skills would abruptly cure the most stubborn cases of insomnia, I included this statement: "I laugh and smile readily, unless I'm utterly bored because, for example, the date I'm sitting with at a coffee shop describes in excruciating detail a day in the life of a South American sloth in mid-winter. Not that there's anything wrong with being a South American sloth in mid-winter; I'm simply not interested in hearing  about it."    

 

I thought Einstein had died long ago. It seems I was wrong. He's alive and well and responding to dating ads. In fact, he sent me this:
"I am reaching out to you because my sloth breeding business is going really well. I need help with the sloths!! Have you ever milked a sloth it can be dangerous."

After a moment in WTF?-land, I eagerly offered advice: "From my experience, the hardest part about milking a sloth is getting high enough on the tree to grasp their utters.* After that, it flows smoothly. I'm glad your business is booming, though the world doesn't need more sloths."

*After I sent it, I realized I misspelled "udders." Clearly, I'd been focused on the dude's utter weirdness. Plus, I routinely find many typos after-the-fact. Regardless, I'm quite certain the misspell did not add to Einstein's confused state. In fact, he didn't respond. Drats, the fun had just begun.
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Have a great week, and take care of yourselves, dear sillies.
Beware of lactating sloths in South America in mid-winter.
Keep a smile.